This is the first story in At My Table — a place for the people who've actually lived this to tell it in their own words.
It's from Karen. She set a table for four for most of her life, and then, one person at a time, she didn't. This is what happened to that table, in her own words. I've changed almost nothing.
— Chuck
My table was always set for four people. I cooked a big meal every single night with the exception of Friday nights. We would always go out to dinner as a family.
We had discussions around our table. It was never quiet. We talked about our day, current events, everything. It was always the best part of the day. Most of all, our family decisions were made around that table.
I recall when my son went off to college, it was decided what school he would attend while we sat around the dinner table. He was choosing between five different schools and decided on the one that was the furthest away. He was 18 when he left. It was a 15-hour drive to the university of his choice. It was not a trip we could do on a weekend.
Then the table was set for three.
We all missed him so much. I began to call him the missing link. We would set the table at night and sometimes I would set it for four people. One night my husband asked me who was coming for dinner. No one. Why are there four plates? Old habits die hard.
He did return for major holidays and summers. It was not unusual that he asked if he could bring friends home with him. We always said yes. Sometimes we would rearrange furniture to squeeze everyone around the dining table, but we always said yes.
Two years later we made another life-changing decision around the same table. My daughter was accepted to all of her college choices, but she also decided on the one that was the furthest away. However, this distance was doable. It was about a three-hour drive and we took that trip frequently. We always brought her favorite foods and there was always enough to share with her friends.
Again, my husband and I missed her so much. She was the life of the party and made us laugh every single day. Now there were two missing links.
When we got home the table always seemed so much bigger than it actually was. The table was then set for two.
When my husband was out of town and I was home alone I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so happy for both of my children, but the silence in the house, and especially around the table, was screaming at me. When I was home alone, the place at my table was moved to the counter. I never sat at that table alone. Ever.
They have both been on their own for many years now. My son never returned from the area where he attended school. My daughter met her husband in college and married him in 2004. We loved him, and he is definitely like a son to me. They have traveled the world to live in different states and countries, but I am so lucky that they now live five minutes from me.
In September of 2017 I lost my husband. To say it was a shock is an understatement. No one saw it coming, and after a hospital stay of four nights he died suddenly. We were all in a fog. My son-in-law took complete control of everything. Absolutely everything.
One thing is for certain. Whether you are ready or not, life goes on. You still have to get out of bed and take care of your basic needs. Bills still need to be paid, and you still have to eat. It is a necessity.
I don't remember the first few months. They are such a fog. For the first time I had to let go of the reins and let someone else take care of me. Where do I begin?
Sooner or later, like it or not, we all have to go back to daily living. We need to go to work, keep appointments and doctor visits, and eventually go food shopping.
Again, I was lucky enough that my son-in-law took me when I needed to go. I recall the first time I went to my local market. I was so familiar with that store. I could've walked through it blindfolded. Not this day. I was completely lost. I didn't know what to buy. I was clueless. Everything I looked at reminded me of my husband. My problem was what I couldn't buy any longer.
I told Chuck that I had to get out of there. He helped me finish my shopping. We went there regularly, but he was always my sidekick. Eventually, like everything else, I began to shop for myself. Is it perfect? Absolutely not, but it's better. I guess I'm a work in progress.
My table, like most, isn't just about the food. It's about memories. So many memories. I loved being a mom and a wife. Those jobs were my greatest joy. It's not for everyone, but it certainly filled me up.